I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize