Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just invented taco cereal.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
