yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
