my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
