Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
