Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
