dude i'm inner monologue high
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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