Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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