Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
