She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
