marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
