I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
