I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
