There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
