I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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