chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
