everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
