At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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