How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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