I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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