At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
