Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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