My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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