There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
