just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
