i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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