1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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