my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i think my cat just said my name.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
