What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
