Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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