You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
