I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
