Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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