but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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