He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
