The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
