yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
