i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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