I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
