I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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