I want to stick my p in your. b.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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