so let's talk penis.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
COCAINE IS GR8
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
