and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
