I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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