Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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