Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
