Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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