I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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