i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
