She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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