i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
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