I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
