I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
should my penis look like a turkey
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
