How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
