im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize