he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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