if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
