I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
