my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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