you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
