I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
