Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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