I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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