I just threw up on my dentist
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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