just tell him i said nine months
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
