i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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