I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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