does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All I want is dick and wine.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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