the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
