I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
